Wednesday, September 29, 2010

9.29 Day 103

I'm ready for big changes, new beginnings, and shifts shall take place...

NYC from Cdow on Vimeo.

I'm listening!


Sunday, September 26, 2010

9.26 Day 102

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them. -Noel Fielding

Perhaps "fuck off" might be too kind...
When I came to NY I was in love with a relationship that had ended a year prior. I don't even think I loved "him" anymore, just the idea of letting go of us terrified me after seven years in with him. I held on to it for so long, the idea of us, that I lost who he was in the meantime. I lost me too. But I got over it. I realize now, as much as I still care about him and adore him, he's not even what I wanted.
For the past two years I've been a single dating whore and loved every minute of it. The idea of love scared me...the vulnerability, the idea that someone may depend on me, the fact that I would have to give up my "me time", change the way I do certain things...I came to a point where I thought I'd never fall in love again and I was ok with it. Being single was fun. I liked being alone and when I wanted it, I had company. I was always meeting new people, always dating a few people simultaneously, semi serious or not. I was learning about myself, figuring out what I wanted in relationships, having good sex, not feeling needy and needed.
Somewhere between then and now I once again fell in love with love. And it really pisses me off because I don't like wearing my heart on my sleeve. And I don't like it when boys make me cry.

Today wasn't supposed to be like this.


Saturday, September 25, 2010

9.25 Day 101

1, 2, 3, 4...

I can count the number of times I've been in love on one hand.
Yet, I've lost count of the times I've had a broken heart.


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

9.22 Day 100

Happy birthday Travis!

German photographer, Matthias Heiderich's series, Winter Berlin...

I find it all a bit dreamy and lonely, yet clean and simple. It's quiet. It's space. It's cold and comforting. My head is too fucked right now. Can I go there?


Sunday, September 19, 2010

9.19 Day 99

There is only one of me, but so many of you...

My dear friend, Clay Rodery, did a painting inspired by me and submitted it to Playboy magazine for a contest. He is a winner and here is his publication...

I'm a sucker...

Tequila and hickies
, lust and love.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

9.15 Day 98

I used to be someone else. But then I traded myself in...

pin camera on turntable

I often feel that I'm in this torrid relationship with NY, more so than just referring to it as home. I love this city. It has given me so much. It's humbled me, has taught me patience. I've gained my independence here, have learned to love being alone. New York has shown me how to take a deep breath and laugh when my kitchen is on fire or when I fall in the snow, rather than throw a fit or cry. I love it for the people it's brought into my life, good and bad, because the good will stick and the assholes have just shown me how much better I am. New York has also hardened me and taken more energy than I have to give at times.
Yet every time when I get off a plane from somewhere and land here, it's a breath of fresh air and the city's energy once again engulfs me. So here I am...


Thursday, September 9, 2010

9.09 Day 97

Sometimes, I just can't find the words...

Goof, I know.