6.22 Day 57

Dreary outside. Let's reflect...








I'm quiet today.
Lola

6.20 Day 56

Am I getting dealt a bad hand of cards or is it just me?
I can't imagine how surreal it must feel to have a vision in your mind, maybe for months, maybe years, of the kind of life you want to live, and then it actually becomes obtainable. Like it's right there, minus the few pieces you need to finish that puzzle. That's where I am...knowing exactly what I want...and playing the waiting game for the finish line. I can see it, but just don't know how soon I'll get there and if I'll have enough stamina to cross that line. I'm definitely in no position to give up or walk away. Just a bit exhausted of the process, the race, the waiting and wondering if I'm crazy for thinking I CAN do it. Maybe it's all just a dreamy notion that comes with my romantic self. Maybe I need to try harder. Or maybe it's right there and I just need to keep pushing through.

ffffound round up...










Should I move to San Francisco?
Lola

6.09 Day 55

Jonah Samson dioramas...





Completely taken with my tiger.
Don't get caught in the rain like I did,
Lola

6.03 Day 54

Since you're not going to call me, I'll distract myself with the opposite sex...











There is something quite icky about goodbyes. My best friend moved from NYC to Cali today. I didn't spend nearly enough time with her beforehand either. I did this when my grandma was sick and with my friends before I moved here too. When my mom died it was so confrontational, so in my face, and so painful. Same when my boyfriends came and went. And now I have this unhealthy way of dealing with abandonment...I turn from it, look the other way, and pull the separation card. The worst part is I've gotten away with it until now. I've hurt someone, my sweet pea, and on the eve of her departure. And that hurts me. Because I love her. So this is how it goes...

Still want that choo choo train,
Lola

6.01 Day 53

The sun is out, but I'm just too cloudy...
I'm going to start the Master Cleanse tomorrow. I look forward to it to lose a few, gain some clarity, look like a million bucks, and hopefully kick this ongoing cold/flu/sick bs I've had since coming to NY. I just can't help but have my friend's voice in my head telling me all about the black tar shit that comes out of you when you cleanse. How exciting.

ffffound round up...








I played hooky with my girl and the fib we told rolled back right onto me. Karma's a bitch.
Lola