This local DJ was nice and sweet at first. Not only would he sit at the mall and rave with glow sticks to try and get people to think he was cool, but he would constantly tell me how bad he wanted me. Even though I repeatedly told him I didn’t want him. And when I wouldn’t give in, he’d literally suck on my mouth/nose (his version of making out) and then try to finger me in public. If that’s not bad enough, after a rainy night we went to my friend’s house to dry off and watch a movie. He proceeded to finger her when I wouldn’t jerk him off, while I was in the room, and then asked me to leave so he could ask her to blow him. No thanks, pal.
I met this guy and on our first date, he fed me a slew of hard-to-believe stories, which included that his penis has been used as a mold for a dildo, that he owned several tattoo parlors, that he was one of the top shooters in the world and that he was dying of cancer. With so many red flags raised I should’ve walked away but I felt sorry for his failing health and curious about his allegedly famous cock. I wasn’t disappointed with the size, it was the biggest I had ever seen, but he was the worst lay I have ever had - I think the dildo would have been more fun. To top it all off, he kept talking about threesomes after a girlfriend of mine said he was cute one night. I agreed to set us up but after she didn’t pay full attention to him at the bar the night they met up after 5 minutes, he got upset and left in a huff. The next day, at 8 am, he IM’d me saying that I was drama and jealous and territorial. Wait, what? Didn’t I just try to have a threesome with you? He called me a week later to tell me he found and banged my friend and never called her back, to spite me. Yeah, I’m heartbroken you banged the girl I found for you. What a crazy, crazy man. I don’t know if his stories are true, but I do know that this is one guy I’ll cross the street to avoid in the future.
Because I bang the worst dudes
(not me though...never...)
Because it's just fun...
Weezer covering MGMT and Lady Gaga (live at T-Mobile party 5/14/09)
I want to play Twister.