I once read somewhere that if you can't make a decision, you should flip a coin. Because the moment it is in the air, you know exactly what you want the answer to be...
I can be angry and bitter at times, ornery to the point of pushing those away who I fear will reject me and only because I love them so. I'll put up walls and never let someone see my truly vulnerable state of being. Taking a deep breath and trusting just isn't something I'm all that familiar with anymore. I guess when you stand there with open arms and heart on sleeve and people take it and run, you become me. I often wondered what it was like to let go, to give all of me, to enjoy and not worry about pain that may arise. To know that if a storm blows in it doesn't mean that they will walk or that it even has anything to do with me at all.
And then I found this, what I have now.