For Like Ever

“When we live soulcentrically, immersed in a lifelong dance with the mysteries of nature and psyche, our wildness flourishes.”

2012-01-07T15:34:00.006-05:00

"Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors."

Lola

Maybe making out for a few minutes would help us figure things out...

2012-01-01T19:00:00.008-05:00

Once upon a time I wanted all of this...

I'm back. It's just different now...
Lola

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were big things."

2011-09-11T23:07:00.009-04:00

It's all fresh...

Lola

He says, "I love waking up to those big blue eyes..."

2011-08-16T17:40:00.008-04:00

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. -Rumi

Took me long enough.

Lola

It's not where you take things from-it's where you take them to...

2011-08-12T22:47:00.017-04:00

"Never underestimate yourself. Remember that your perception of things can often be blessedly incorrect. If you ever feel you can't be confident about something, rest in the righteous truth that you might just be wrong as fuck."

I once read in an Earnest Holmes book that as far as the infinite mind and universe, it's easiest to imagine us, our lives, our universe, as a fish bowl. I was about to say how my New York minute is up. But I guess I'll just say, I'm swimming on.

Hello, Portland.

Lola

Fight and fuck and run and smile...

2011-04-19T18:52:00.015-04:00

Get dirty. Get fucking filthy. Get poor. Get off your ass. Get desperate. Get dangerous. Get vilified. Get vile. Get romantic. Get fucked. Get moving. Get productive. Get pro-active. Get started. Get your own life. Get doing something. Anything...

Live by the harmless untruths that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.

Lola

Day 134

2011-04-11T15:56:00.003-04:00

I am the girl who has the most cake...

A few reasons to be excited about Spring.
I've got sunshine on my mind.

Lola

Day 132

2011-04-08T09:22:00.012-04:00

"Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whiskey and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested." Hunter S. Thompson

Brooklyn based artist, Jillian Ciaccia's pasteup art on NYC's MTA subway system...

Dorris Day and Kitty Kallen, G train

Little Girl with a Shotgun, F train

Two Girls with a Rifle, circa 1944, M train

Little Girl Leaping Off Windowsill, G train

Coffee and construction up in this house today. At least now there are doors to accompany these walls that shelter me.

Lola

Day 133

2011-04-07T14:28:00.016-04:00

“It’s when you hide things that you choke on them.” -Charles Bukowski

“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break” – an ancient Chinese belief.

Lola

Day 131

2011-04-02T20:50:00.010-04:00

I may look calm, but in my head I've killed you three times...

For my mommy

Love is fun.

Lola

Day 130

2011-04-01T08:48:00.006-04:00

"It's more interesting to have just a picture of a small detail - then you can dream all the rest around it. Because when you see the whole thing, what is there to imagine?"

How strange it is to be anything at all...

Tea. Rain. Scrabble.

Lola

Day 129

2011-03-31T17:41:00.004-04:00

You disappear so completely into your head sometimes. I wish I could follow you...

I don't pretend to be someone I am not, because I am good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things that I have done in the past, but I am proud of who I am today.

Our own apartment...check. I guess all that positive heady shit does pay off.

Lola

Day 128

2011-03-30T09:46:00.009-04:00

I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious...

Today is beautiful.

Lola

Day 127

2011-03-25T11:01:00.010-04:00

I once read somewhere that if you can't make a decision, you should flip a coin. Because the moment it is in the air, you know exactly what you want the answer to be...

I can be angry and bitter at times, ornery to the point of pushing those away who I fear will reject me and only because I love them so. I'll put up walls and never let someone see my truly vulnerable state of being. Taking a deep breath and trusting just isn't something I'm all that familiar with anymore. I guess when you stand there with open arms and heart on sleeve and people take it and run, you become me. I often wondered what it was like to let go, to give all of me, to enjoy and not worry about pain that may arise. To know that if a storm blows in it doesn't mean that they will walk or that it even has anything to do with me at all.
And then I found this, what I have now.

Lola

Day 126

2011-03-23T13:32:00.012-04:00

Strangeness is a necessary ingredient in beauty...

He asked me if I was happy. I said, "Yes, you make me happy."

Lola

Day 125

2011-03-18T12:51:00.005-04:00

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live life a lot differently...

Public Shaming of the Day: Hoping to get a second chance after getting caught cheating by his girlfriend, 26-year-old Brighton man Joe Page took his apology to the streets, donning a sandwich board that read, in part, “I cheated on my girlfriend. I am humiliating myself to show I am sorry.”

“I think people had some sympathy for me because I looked like a complete idiot,” Page said when asked about the reactions of passers-by.

Apparently the stunt worked, because he was allowed back in — albeit to sleep on the couch. “I think slowly she’s coming round,” he said. “Hopefully it won’t take many more drastic measures like this.”

Sat in the park with the love of my life today. Life is sweet.

Lola

Day 124

2011-03-16T19:00:00.005-04:00

Laughing at every joke and smiling on the inside all of the time...

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

I spy Spring.
Lola

Day 123

2011-02-27T21:36:00.012-05:00

Why must we proclaim so loudly and with such intensity what we are, what we want, and what we do not want? -Nietzsche

“Let’s start a magazine

to hell with literature
we want something redblooded

lousy with pure
reeking with stark
and fearlessly obscene

but really clean
get what I mean
let’s not spoil it
let’s make it serious

something authentic and delirious
you know something genuine like a mark
in a toilet

graced with guts and gutted
with grace.”

squeeze your nuts and open your face

—e.e. cummings

I cried in church last night and enjoyed yoga today. Two things I never imagined would cross my path. I thought I was there to be his pillar to lean on, to help him find his way and I see it now that he is just that for me...opening my eyes and life up to new experiences and ways of being. I've never been with someone who has made me actually want to better myself as he does. And I know when I catch him staring at me, right before he kisses my nose or forehead, he's thinking the same thing. We help each other see our own potential, and for that, I'm so in love it's gross. Gross and gooey with butterflies.

Lola

Day 122

2011-02-26T22:17:00.013-05:00

I woke you up. Now if you wouldn't mind returning the favor...

The boys stop cutting their hair and the girls stop brushing theirs. Both stop washing it. Everyone trades their flip flops in for boots, Converse, old school Adidas and ballet flats and only the oblivious are still strutting their Uggs. Glasses are cool, the nerdier the better. Boys wear girls jeans. No one looks twice at tattoos, or even at the sixty year old woman dressed head to toe in tie dye and a plastic visor with toe nails longer than rulers for that matter. And unless there's an interaction, you won't catch a smile.

A wee bit of my New York...

Lola

Day 121

2011-02-24T18:53:00.008-05:00

I have no reason to be miserable...

Finally found good video footage of the Target Kaleidoscope fashion show at the Standard hotel in NYC that my brother styled for. Butterflies all over again...

My Peach's freshly dry cleaned jacket I just picked up for him blew away in the wind and landed in the rain water. My kind of day.

Lola

Day 120

2011-02-23T09:58:00.007-05:00

Happy birthday to me...

I turned 31 Monday. I feel good. I feel like I look good. Shoot, I am good. These damn yummy cupcakes, along with all the birthday lovin' from my friends and family sure did make the day. I'm a lucky girl...

Pretty pic round up...

Springsteen, 1973

Lola

Day 119

2011-02-19T21:56:00.008-05:00

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars...

You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and an involuntary grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.

Day 5. Quite the testy little shit, but I'm so proud of my baby.

Lola

Day 118

2011-02-17T20:47:00.017-05:00

Coffee and cigarettes, warmth and gloom, out with the old, in with the new...

"I don’t like standard beauty. There is no beauty without strangeness." -Karl Lagerfeld

"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it." -Albus Dumbledore

"The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren't very lovable." -Unknown

"It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction." -Albert Einstein

New day. New album. New season.

Lola

Day 117

2011-02-16T16:12:00.006-05:00

There are days and then there are daaaaaaays...

My most recent hood. Bushwick, Brooklyn NY

Today is the latter.

That is all for now.
Lola

Day 116

2011-02-15T21:22:00.004-05:00

I want to shut my eyes so tight that everything goes black...

Nigel Van Wieck, Q train

I miss

The Cross (NYC, 1966). Photographer: Hernst Hass

If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. -Lao Tzu

My soul is impatient with itself, as with a bothersome child; its restlessness keeps growing and is forever the same. Everything interests me, but nothing holds me. I attend to everything, dreaming all the while. I'm two, and both keep their distance - Siamese twins that aren't attached. -Fernando Pessoa, The book of Disquiet

I may enjoy listening to people lie when I already know the truth but in this particular situation, it is going to be quite painful. Because I'll have to see the face and hear the voice that I adore so much while it just spits bullshit at me. Betrayal is uglier and more excruciating than I care to remember. Where is that line that I'm supposed to draw and can someone please help me find it because I'm lost in rose colored glasses with this one.

At least it is a beautiful day.
Lola

Day 115

2011-02-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

Cupid, draw back your bow...

When I was a kid being pissy, I would cross my arms and say, "I hate this day." Today I just curled up in a ball, cried, and wished I could sleep til sometime on Thursday when this is all over.
Worst.Valentines.Ever.

Lola

Day 114

2011-02-13T00:27:00.010-05:00

Get up and run away with it...

Pete Eckert is a totally blind person. But through his photography, he proves that he IS a visual person, he just can't see.

Amazing.

I want it to be that love is enough and to ignore the weight on my chest. But either way, happy birthday Peach.

Lola

Day 113

2011-02-12T16:29:00.000-05:00

"So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do." John Keating, Dead Poet's Society

Everything has turned to you...

Come home Travis.

Lola

Day 112

2011-02-11T15:37:00.012-05:00

It's a bit like a never ending slumber party with the boy I have a crush on...

"It's the best time of life in a way. I mean when you're very sad as a teenager you feel like everything's gonna end, but then the next day something amazingly brilliant happens, like you hear a new band and everything's just great again. Or if you see a film that you like, you really just love it. The things that you really love at that stage of life, stay with you for the rest of your life." Alan Davies

"Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear." John Lennon

"Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly." Franz Kafka

"No one knows how it is that with one glance a boy can break through into a girl's heart." Napoleon Bonaparte

A week without my peach.
Lola

Day 111

2011-01-14T19:03:00.004-05:00

He calls me his Campbell's soup kid...

I like to watch plastic bags get caught in the wind. It's the way they dance, in a world of their own and go on and on until a tree or curb catch them. I remember not wearing much black because it was dark and seemed dull and boring yet now, it's the first color I turn to. I listen to music and pretend that the world is in my headphones. I pay attention to the way I walk, the way my feet land, because I'm insecure and think I look goofy when in stride. I like to listen to my neighbors have sex. I often wonder if everyone else is as dreamy and romantic as I am or if perhaps they really are all just caught up in their own lives. I wish with all my heart that happiness was just about the day to day experiences, the current moments, rather than having the dreaded worry of what my life will be like as I age. I wish love was easier to find and keep. Sometimes when I see birds perched on a wire or on a tree branch I feel a tinge of jealousy. There aren't enough flowers to look at and smell in New York. It never gets old hearing how pretty my eyes are. Rejection has, and I'm sure will always be my number one fear. I miss sleeping, decently. Everyone told me my first snow would be my only exciting one but here I am, three winters deep, and it's all just as lovely as my first view. I don't believe in karma or fate. I make foul mistakes repeatedly. Punctuality is underrated and waiting always makes me anxious.

I miss having internet.
Lola

Day 110

2010-12-17T22:12:00.000-05:00

"...I would say a New Yorker is someone who has come to this place to run wild with their healing." -Timothy Levitch

A few of New York's nearest and dearest...

JM was my first NY crush. It was his eyes. I didn't think twice about his moody, reclusive, cynical persona or his fucked up teeth, or the fact that he was short and probably took twice as long on doing his hair than I did. I thought he was gay. He wasn't, but did have a girlfriend. It took a year for their relationship to end and for him to ask me out. He told me I was right up his alley, the girl of his dreams. It was two months of sex, drugs, his narcissistic bullshit and using me to get over the ex. He left me high and dry, literally, in my apartment coming down from him and dope. Lovely it was. Turned out he went right back to the ex, stayed on the dope train until he overdosed, and finally figured out the ex was just a security blanket. Months went by where we'd pass eachother without a hello. He finally found me on the sidewalk one day and apologized for the way things went down. Said he had figured some things out and was changing. I accepted his apology and a month later we were holding hands again, staying up all night talking, listening to music or watching Dexter and having the best sex he's ever had. He hasn't changed though. I'd like to think he has but he's still the same fuck face (he says it's hot when I call him that) he's always been and I deserve better. I'd never put up with someone like him but he has a hold on me that I can't put my finger on.

I remember the first day I met CB. There was the texting first, about my hipbones, him dressing me in a string of lights. When we met for the first time in person I was tequila drunk, wasted really. I insisted I see him while he tried to tell me that he respected me more than having me over to his house busted drunk for a first date. I was giggly and sloppy and he held my face and said, "Look at you." We made out, I slapped him, he wasn't happy, I passed out. I felt beside myself in the morning, wondering how I managed to be so gross with someone that I would later come to realize I perhaps had fallen in love with a bit, through our far and few conversation and face time. This is the longest stint we've had of not speaking, maybe because he never really put in that much effort and I, on a daily basis, have to remind myself of that. I still think about him everyday, wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder if he knows how I feel about him, that I could possibly and foolishly marry him tomorrow without a second thought. I can't even explain why or how it is the way it is, only that I've never had feelings like this before for someone I know so little.

KB was and well, still is, just cute. Maybe because he's a kid, almost eight years younger than me and at times was over the top goofy. We played scrabble on our first date in his dorm room (fuck me for even dating someone who lived in a dorm room). I left thinking, cute kid, this one's going to be a friend and it turned out he was just smitten all over me. We had a few months of fun until I realized he had a pill problem thanks to a car accident. I helped him get clean and when he couldn't deal with the reality of being clean, having feelings for a girl and about to move across the country he kicked me to the curb. He's so smart and determined, now in the Peace Corps, yet still holds a flame and likes to talk about our future. It's sweet. I of course can't think that far ahead, let alone where my head will be next week but it's nice having him in my life and to romanticize about the possibility that we could have a future. I suppose I could fall in love with him but it always seems that we are never in the same place at the same time. But I adore him.

RB was a kid too. He even felt the need to lie about his age, as if 22 was any better than 21. He was sexy and funny and made me feel like I was sixteen. We would smoke pot and play in the park, throw eggs from my rooftop and talk about moving to San Francisco together. He made me feel like I was the only girl he had though I knew he was quite the player during our existence. I pretended too, pretended I was in love even though I was still dating and having feelings for others on the side. I had never had so much fun with someone all the while being so attracted physically and I mistook all that for love. He was my longest standing relationship during my NY time, just over a year. We eventually fizzled out and stayed good friends, which also fizzled out and now I hardly talk to him. I miss him. I can only imagine what kind of man he will be in ten years. That thought's often crossed my mind...he'd be perfect with a little maturity.

I'm diluted, right back where I started.

Lola

Day 109

2010-11-15T19:36:00.009-05:00

He says, "I love your face..."

Just some words that have come my way, I've liked, and put in my pocket...

"People protect what they love." Jacques Cousteau

"Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. There is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, only to discover what is already there." Henry Miller

"For a heart stained in anger grows weak and grows bitter. You become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there wrapped up in a trap of your very own chain of sorrow." "Bruised Orange" a John Prine cover by Justin Vernon of Bon Iver

"Nothing is important, so people realizing that, should get on with their lives, go mad, take their clothes off, jump in the canal, jump into one of those supermarket trolleys, race ‘round the supermarket and steal Mars bars and, y’know, kiss kittens and sit on the back of breadvans. Whatever makes people happy they should do it, ‘cos time is a mere scratch and life is nothing." Morrissey

"If I like you, that means at least one of these things: you are disinterested, I am scared to admit I like you so I am not going to call you back, I will write about the possibility of us everywhere, I will email my best friend about your voice, you are not single, you don’t know my name, I really have to know what your favorite sort of music is, I like to eat green apples and think of you, I didn’t mean to become your best friend but now I don’t know how to tell you I think I am in love with you, you are not my type but I like your t-shirt (and your eyelashes), I am an idiot, you are beautiful, I really want to call you, I didn’t see you today so I am going to yell at everyone, you are miles away, I am desperate, you don’t even know me, I want to get drunk with you, let’s sleep under the sky together, I wonder if you would ever like to wake up next to me, I want you for my birthday." Mehmet Erdogan

"I thought, there is nowhere else in the universe I would rather be at this moment. I could count the places I would not rather be. I’ve always wanted to see New Zealand, but I’d rather be here. The majestic ruins of Machu Picchu? I’d rather be here. A hillside in Cuenca, Spain, sipping coffee and watching leaves fall? Not even close. There is nowhere else I could imagine wanting to be besides here in this car, with this girl, on this road, listening to this song. If she breaks my heart, no matter what hell she puts me through, I can say it was worth it, just because of right now. Out the window is a blur and all I can really hear is the girl’s hair flapping in the wind, and maybe if we drive fast enough the universe will lose track of us and forget to stick us somewhere else." Robbert Sheffield, Love is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time

"A crisis is a gift, an opportunity, and perhaps a manifestation that life loves us, by beckoning us to go beyond the dance we presently perform." Leslie Lebeau

"Sometimes when I'm at McDonald's, I wait until nobody is looking, and then I stick my hand inside the straw dispenser and touch all the straws." David Bowie

"I used to walk down the street like I was a fucking star. … I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be — and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth." Lady Gaga

"Record stores are one of my favorite places in life. I hope they live forever with Santa and Peter Pan." Luke Lalonde of Born Ruffians

I say, "I love you..."

Lola

Day 108

2010-10-22T01:35:00.010-04:00

Gracie Slick...

Matthius Heiderich

Julien Papaud

I really notice and love your great sense of humor, straightforwardness, pride with humility, love for your family, your intelligence, quick mind, beautiful eyes, and your super-awareness. I greatly appreciate your support of me, your ability to ask for what you want, and your willingness to listen. I love your zest for life, inner-strength, and adventuresome spirit. All my love always, Dad

Lola

Day 107

2010-10-19T17:56:00.008-04:00

"You are so beautiful..."

I find it very painful to care about someone so much who has such a distorted view of what love is. Painful because I want to share with him what I feel but even more so because he's missing out on what true love is. He's amazing and we connect and he gets under my skin. But it's only for those moments we have together. There's never anything to look forward to...it's all about here and now. But then again, I'll catch him looking at me from afar, often, and maybe that's just the beginning.

Good night. Thank you Ambien.

Lola

10.13 Day 106

2010-10-13T21:27:00.009-04:00

"I'd like to see you to try to walk tomorrow..."

A Christopher Mills animated short film set to "Collect Call" by METRIC, from the album FANTASIES.

2 down.

Lola

10.11 Day 105

2010-10-11T23:50:00.007-04:00

I'd be crazy not to follow...

Perhaps my favorite song of all time.

One year ago I fell in love. To the month, almost the day, I think I'm falling in love with him all over again. Last October we were making out in bar bathrooms and doing heroin before his shows. This time it's laying in the park, drinking wine, staying up all night talking and playing guitar and him not being able to stop kissing me before we go to sleep. I love the way I feel when I'm with him and that scares me. Love scares me. Love with him scares me, and this is why...

Deep breaths little one...

Lola

10.01 Day 104

2010-10-01T13:51:00.014-04:00

Fridays are a good day to sit in the corner of a bar and think about what you've done...

My friend shot this a few weeks ago. I think it's a keeper...

A few goodies...

I often wonder why some men feel the need to blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind when they see an attractive woman. Is it fearlessness? Did mom not raise you right? Missing seed up in that head of yours? It's not quite appealing to a woman to hear "sexy" or "nice ass" from across the street. I try to feel appreciation, will sometimes say thank you and then scurry away as fast as my little legs will allow to avoid any conversation.
And then there are the boys who start off sweet and polite. They make easy and quick conversation, compliment me, usually on my eyes or hair, make comments about my tattoos. I say thank you, wrap up what little conversation was to be had, wish them a good day and make my way out. But they just don't quit. No...is this guy really going to follow me? Ugh.
But then there are the worst ones of all...the ones I'm interested in...the ones that express interest in me, make eye contact, perhaps say a few kind words, but leave it at that. And those are always the ones that make me scream inside, "ask a fucking girl out for fuck's sake!"
Dating is such a bitch. It's as if there's no medium. It's all gross or beautiful with nothing in between. Even when things seem to be leaning towards the beautiful side of the scale, it will end with gross.

That is all.

Lola

9.29 Day 103

2010-09-29T01:26:00.000-04:00

I'm ready for big changes, new beginnings, and shifts shall take place...

NYC from Cdow on Vimeo.

I'm listening!

Lola

9.26 Day 102

2010-09-26T21:21:00.014-04:00

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them. -Noel Fielding

Perhaps "fuck off" might be too kind...
When I came to NY I was in love with a relationship that had ended a year prior. I don't even think I loved "him" anymore, just the idea of letting go of us terrified me after seven years in with him. I held on to it for so long, the idea of us, that I lost who he was in the meantime. I lost me too. But I got over it. I realize now, as much as I still care about him and adore him, he's not even what I wanted.
For the past two years I've been a single dating whore and loved every minute of it. The idea of love scared me...the vulnerability, the idea that someone may depend on me, the fact that I would have to give up my "me time", change the way I do certain things...I came to a point where I thought I'd never fall in love again and I was ok with it. Being single was fun. I liked being alone and when I wanted it, I had company. I was always meeting new people, always dating a few people simultaneously, semi serious or not. I was learning about myself, figuring out what I wanted in relationships, having good sex, not feeling needy and needed.
Somewhere between then and now I once again fell in love with love. And it really pisses me off because I don't like wearing my heart on my sleeve. And I don't like it when boys make me cry.

Today wasn't supposed to be like this.

Lola

9.25 Day 101

2010-09-25T23:05:00.000-04:00

1, 2, 3, 4...

I can count the number of times I've been in love on one hand. Yet, I've lost count of the times I've had a broken heart.

Lola

9.22 Day 100

2010-09-22T22:28:00.007-04:00

Happy birthday Travis!

German photographer, Matthias Heiderich's series, Winter Berlin...

I find it all a bit dreamy and lonely, yet clean and simple. It's quiet. It's space. It's cold and comforting. My head is too fucked right now. Can I go there?

Lola

9.19 Day 99

2010-09-19T21:00:00.003-04:00

There is only one of me, but so many of you...

My dear friend, Clay Rodery, did a painting inspired by me and submitted it to Playboy magazine for a contest. He is a winner and here is his publication...

I'm a sucker...

Tequila and hickies, lust and love.

Lola

9.15 Day 98

2010-09-15T20:25:00.002-04:00

I used to be someone else. But then I traded myself in...

pin camera on turntable

I often feel that I'm in this torrid relationship with NY, more so than just referring to it as home. I love this city. It has given me so much. It's humbled me, has taught me patience. I've gained my independence here, have learned to love being alone. New York has shown me how to take a deep breath and laugh when my kitchen is on fire or when I fall in the snow, rather than throw a fit or cry. I love it for the people it's brought into my life, good and bad, because the good will stick and the assholes have just shown me how much better I am. New York has also hardened me and taken more energy than I have to give at times. Yet every time when I get off a plane from somewhere and land here, it's a breath of fresh air and the city's energy once again engulfs me. So here I am...

Lola

9.09 Day 97

2010-09-09T22:36:00.006-04:00

Sometimes, I just can't find the words...

Goof, I know.

Lola

9.05 Day 96

2010-09-05T21:52:00.005-04:00

Don't think that I am pushing you away, when you're the one that I've kept closest...

New York may be nothing more than a massive, trash-ridden hellhole that slowly sucks the life out of every one of its inhabitants...but it's home. And I love it.

Lola

9.01 Day 95

2010-09-01T21:58:00.008-04:00

It's a waste of my time, he is. But I'll keep wasting that time...

The Target Kaleidoscope Fashion Spectacular
Standard Hotel, NYC
August 13, 2010
(proud sister I am)

My New York

I'll be a golden pony girl if he has me.

Lola

8.31 Day 94

2010-08-31T00:43:00.004-04:00

Kazakhstan? Really?

Story of my life

I'm a nice girl. I'll always tell you what I think, be honest, defend myself, hold my own...but I'm never pissy. Ever. So come back from la la land and let's make it right this time.

Lola

8.27 Day 93

2010-08-27T12:43:00.003-04:00

I want to explode, to pull my ribs apart, and let the sunlight in...

Lola

8.13 Day 92

2010-08-13T17:32:00.002-04:00

So they say it's Friday, the 13th...

The ache is getting easier, though I still miss you kid.

Lola

8.12 Day 91

2010-08-12T12:45:00.000-04:00

Sleeping is giving in...

Woolworth

Herald Square 1888

Flatiron 1903

Automatic Vaudeville, Union Square 1910

Columbus Circle 1933

Bowery 1935

Times Square 1935

The old Met(ropolitan Opera), Garment District 1937

504-506 Broome St. 1938

Lola

6.06 Day 90

2010-06-06T22:20:00.005-04:00

Why yes, I'd like to play groupie for a week or so...

Kings of Convenience and Franklin for Short

Kings of Convenience

Franklin for Short

A little bird whom I haven't seen or spoken to in years came back into my life this week. Now I don't want him to go away. It's strange how shit hits the fan and things can be so fucking awful yet if you take it as an opportunity, you'll look back at that hell and be glad you walked through it.

Lola

5.25 Day 89

2010-05-25T18:03:00.003-04:00

I never was much of a wallflower...

I want

Sprinklers and slip n slides...

Lola

5.17 Day 88

2010-05-17T22:53:00.002-04:00

Heading out on a train...

Don't know when I'll be back again...

Lola

5.14 Day 87

2010-05-14T13:48:00.005-04:00

I fell in love with a girl...

Actually HE fell in love. But I am for him as he is not for me. Sorry Charlie...roll with the punches...

Lola

5.05 Day 86

2010-05-05T20:02:00.005-04:00

I'm trying to feel but I can't wake up...

Lady Gaga in Chelsea yesterday

Gustav Klimt, Tragedy, 1897

I feel like shit. The end.

Lola

4.28 Day 85

2010-04-28T22:00:00.007-04:00

You should see the things I do to you in my dreams...

New favorite at the MoMA...
William Kentridge

Speaking of putting the pen to paper, my friend Clay drew me today while we drank milkshakes in the park. Cute, considering no one's ever done that before.

And now it's back to painting furniture.

Lola

4.27 Day 84

2010-04-26T23:59:00.004-04:00

Sometimes I feel like a million little pieces...

And crying never solves anything.

Lola

4.24 Day 83

2010-04-23T18:37:00.013-04:00

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."

My New York...

Unlocked. Key is tossed. Now please move your foot out of my doorway.

Lola

4.19 Day 82

2010-04-18T16:57:00.003-04:00

Cupcakes, gay bars, and church stories. And then there was you...

Clay Rodery

Movement 1

February 6

Oz, the great and terrible

The death of the witch of the east

Paid!

Lola

4.16 Day 81

2010-04-16T22:05:00.005-04:00

Pixels by French director Patrick Jean...

I'll never look at the city the same again

Good girls bend at the knees. Bad girls bend at the waist...

All an argument is, is a competition to play a victim.

Lola

4.13 Day 80

2010-04-13T00:08:00.001-04:00

I'm a hostage of Harlem...

I'm beginning to feel imprisoned for I don't even have funds to get the hell out of my hood. Can I get a, "fuck the government?" I want my money, bitches.

Lola

4.12 Day 79

2010-04-12T02:04:00.000-04:00

"You are absolutely amazing. I want to see your bones."

I miss planting things and watching them grow, the beach, sunsets and stars. My lovelies, Aura's cupcakes and hugs, Jaime's sweet and innocent demeanor to getting saucy pursing her lips to JT's 'Sexyback', Miro waking me up in the morning, Heidi's laugh. Yet, I can't imagine being anywhere else other than New York right now. But it keeps me sane and elated knowing that they miss me as well and I'll always have them.

Lola

4.11 Day 78

2010-04-11T15:56:00.026-04:00

Let's make a fast plan, watch it burn to the ground...

I don't wear jewelry. In fact, I just removed all my piercings. I guess I'm just not enamored anymore. But if I were to rock the bling, these would make me happy...

Kenneth Jay Lane

Alice & Olivia

I want to put on a party dress and get dolled up...

3.1 philip lim

Society for Rational Dress

Society for Rational Dress

Alice & Olivia

I am such a whore when it comes to lingerie. Meow...

Victoria's Secret

Agent Provocateur

Victoria's Secret

Victoria's Secret

I just realized I have over $1,000 worth of swimwear. Oh, the good ol' Cali days.

Lola

4.09 Day 77

2010-04-09T15:58:00.010-04:00

You, I like...

Idaho desert home designed by Tom Kundig

I think so too

Marc Chagall

I love those situations when you laugh so hard you cry and your stomach hurts. I had one of those last night.

Lola

4.05 Day 76

2010-04-05T13:54:00.007-04:00

Who said broken bones and unemployment were a bad thing?

I thought that all this down and alone time would drive me crazy. To an extent it has. But I also realize how gratifying it's been for me. I've started to feel like Dora the explorer, noticing and appreciating the smallest of my surroundings...how daffodils may bloom at the outset but tulips die first, how even at the same time everyday, the light can hit a building a different way. But most importantly, I've gained an awareness in regards to my relationships with people. What I pine for is who I am...empathetic, compassionate, loyal. And even in my closest of close friendships, it lacks. So maybe it's just time to let go.

Call it boredom. I call it growth. Good for me.

So with that being said, I can sum it up to this...

Change is a good thing.

Lola

4.04 Day 75

2010-04-04T13:13:00.004-04:00

Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about...

I want to go on an Easter egg hunt.

Lola

4.03 Day 74

2010-04-03T00:45:00.000-04:00

I took a cab there to hold her. I took a plane there to feel what she felt...

Snapped these in my hood today with my handy dandy iphone...

bunny rabbit

This is Harlem in the Spring.

Lola

4.02 Day 73

2010-04-02T13:39:00.006-04:00

Today I think I'll make cupcakes...

Reminds me of my backyard when I was a kid. These little guys would often visit, not for us, but to murder and eat our chickens.

How I like my boys

... is all I have to say

Love this

I'm no New Yorker, but seriously...do go the fuck home.

I picked daffodils at the park and now I can't stop thinking about California.

Lola

4.01 Day 72

2010-03-31T20:51:00.009-04:00

1,2,3,4...kick that fucker out the door...

PUBLIC SCHOOL is a group of creative folk working on the east side of Austin together, yet not together. The same studio, different professions. Similar tastes, varying favorite Bob Dylan song. Consistently unified love for the Mexican food on the east side of town.
What Public School Is:
A collective
3 photographers
4 designers
1 illustrator
3 dogs
A workspace
Close to Progress Coffee
Looking to buy a 72 Bronco
Full of good ideas
Up for a game of flag football

What Public School Is Not:
A frat house
A series of tubes
A Real School
Just a blog
Involved with the Illuminati
A get rich quick scheme

Jay B designed some posters to with some lessons to live by and things to keep in mind. He said his elementary teachers used to post a lot of posters with cheesy inspirational sayings growing up and just wanted to pay the favor forward.
lookie look here

As my good friend once said to me, I am not forgettable. So take a hike little boy.

Happy April Fool's day. Go dream up some tricks and tell some jokes.

Lola

3.28 Day 71

2010-03-28T15:49:00.008-04:00

Don't be a whore. I'm not in the mood...

I took these the last time I was in San Francisco. What can I say...I miss my sister...

And my nephew...

Rough week.

Lola

3.12 Day 70

2010-03-11T16:35:00.006-05:00

Music is my hot, hot sex...

Open bars are fun

Lola

3.11 Day 69

2010-03-11T00:38:00.001-05:00

I fall in love often. With a view, with a book, with a dog, cat, with numbers, with friends, with complete strangers, with nothing at all.

Over a year, yes a YEAR...seeing his name, his work, the little communication we have...any hint of him...he still has me. I don't believe in love at first sight. Only with him. And I can let boys come and go. Not him.

This is the second time around I've shared this artist, but shoot...still beguiled.
(Crappy show of prints. Visit the site for the best of it.)

California based artist Scott Hansen has worked on a broad range of projects for clients in many industries. From album covers to posters to magazine covers and snowboards, his work can be seen on products and publications around the world.
http://iso50.com

Unusual, tragic, and alive...

Lola

3.10 Day 68

2010-03-10T00:38:00.012-05:00

I've been saving these, for they are my favorites...

I met a girl who knew a girl who dated a boy who I once dated. He was the king of all douche bags, in more ways than one. But it brought her and I together, as she's become one of my favorite people. Small world.

Lola

3.08 Day 67

2010-03-08T19:13:00.008-05:00

I wish I had the balls to post this kind of business in regards to all the assholes that have pulled one over on me...

I was wondering, would it be ok if we got sexy together?

I miss Taylor.
Lola

3.07 Day 66

2010-03-07T01:10:00.012-05:00

"Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love." Leo Tolstoy

Dapper. I'll take two please.

I want to fly. Please give me your wings...

Sure is a nice day out.
Lola

3.06 Day 65

2010-03-06T17:52:00.022-05:00

He said, "Excuse me, excuse me! No sex in the cab."

This house is located on an island called Elliðaey near Vestmannaeyjar, a small archipelago off the south coast of Iceland. The house was given to singer, Bjork from her motherland as a “Thank You” for putting Iceland on the international map.

Ecole in Paris

architecture, design, graphic design

Flat #1
Facing the Eglise Saint-Gervais on one side and the Hôtel de Ville de Paris on the other, this 95 sqm apartment occupies the whole of the the two top floors of an 18th century building. The project comprised a full restructuration of the existing space and the conception of some design elements. The first floor, formerly consisting of a long corridor and four rooms has been largely cut open. Thus, the entrance, the living room and the kitchen form one single continuity. The guest space (a bedroom and a bathroom) has been built on the same floor. A steel staircase links the living room to the owner’sv private space underneath the roof.

I adore the old feel mixed with the modernism in these realistic oil paintings...

Kris Lewis began dreaming and flailing atop this lovely carnival ride in 1978, in the great surround of the Jersey shore. Growing up in a family that included 7 brothers and 1 sister provided ample fodder for his creative appetite, weaving an existence replete with love, conflict, beauty, tradition and classic Jersey brawls. Kris’ father provided the artistic gene and a glint of inspiration, but it was his mother who taught him the importance of hard work and dedication as he watched her raise an entire family alone after his parents’ separation. As an immigrant who had to flee from communist forces in her home country of Latvia, Kris’ mother also instilled in him a love for his Latvian heritage and its traditions, which are a major influence in Kris’ artwork. Other influences in Kris’ art include Alfonse Bougereau, Andrew Wyeth, Hans Holbein, Albrecht Durer, Hieronymus Bosch, Gustav Klimt, Antonio Mancini, and Jules-Bastien LePage. His reverence for masters of old is apparent in his depiction of the human figure, which he uses as a vector for hidden stories, delicate emotion, and universal truth. His affinity for people-watching also informs his paintings, collecting glances, gestures, miens and hints and channeling them through the canvas for the viewer to share in the experience. After studying Illustration at The University of the Arts in Philadelphia, Kris eventually found himself living and working in Los Angeles, where he still resides and has yet to fully explore. His paintings have been featured in galleries in cities around the world, including L.A., San Francisco, Seattle, New York, Miami, London, and Hong Kong. His work has also been seen in the publications Juxtapoz and Modern Painters, and featured in the books Copro/Nason: A Catalogue Raisonne and Two Faced: The Changing Face of Portraiture.

"Oh no, sir. We are just high school sweethearts getting reacquainted."

Lola

3.04 Day 64

2010-03-03T21:50:00.022-05:00

The sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.
So I know she forgives me, just as I forgive her. Thomas Edison's last words were: "It's very beautiful over there." I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful.

Now give me some music...

A few lovely ladies won't hurt either...

Hello, legs...

And I thought I had nice tits...

I heard someone's voice the other night whom I hadn't spoken to in some time and I melted. I can't say I'm very fond of conversing on the telephone but I will say that speaking to him roused my fondness for him. Time has a way of doing that. We've drifted, shifted, moved on, and found amity. It feels damn good.

Cheers

Lola